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Message from: Nas, 23 Apr 07

Subject: my baby was murdered

My boyfriend was mugged and stabbed to death by some guy he knew. My life has been torn apart and I don't know what I'm doing. I've stopped wailing but now I just feel dead. and sometimes I want to puke. Life seems so pathetic and stupid for me now. It's like somebody came up to me and ripped my heart out of my body and walked away...I keep hearing his voice and seeing his face, remembering comments he used to make. sometimes i talk to him. Just normal things, like:"I know I know, I shouldn't eat this. I bet you'd want some of this? You know how I hate it when people tell me what not to eat." It's like I'm going nutts. Of course I don't do this out loud. Just in my head. I want to feel better but at the same time I'll feel guilty for smiling or laughing and really meaning it. I keep hoping I'll die too so we can be together somewhere else.