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Message from: *anom, 5 Mar 07

Subject: dads suicide

my dad commited suicide two months ago on the 21st of this month, i understand what everyone here means about feeling guilty and not knowing if what he done was selfish or not, and about your friends talking about their dads and you feeling like they take them for granted, my boyfriend talks about his dad saying he wishes hed jus leave and i always feel angry at him for saying that as i know he has no idea what its like when dad goes. i havnt lived with my dad for 10 years,he left me my mum and my sister, and remarried.his wife got in the way of mine and my dads relationship, as me and her never got along.i dont know wether to be angry at my dad,or to feel sorry for him. i keep thinking of what i ws doing at the time he was found, does anyone else do tht?i always missed him anyway, i dont know if he loved me or not, thers no explanation, i never got to say sorry for the hurtful things i said and i never got to tell him i do love him. i cant bear to go to where hes buried, i feel im being strong but my boyfriend tells me different, that im depressed about life and im bottling things etc. im still crying and stuff but thts normal right, i, like you, feel no one understands. i just want to be me again, will i ever get there? thanks for reading, be strong xx