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message no. 134

Message from: ash - 01 Sep 03

Subject: losing mum and dad

i lost my mum and dad in a car crash a month ago 2day, i miss dem so much i jst dnt feel like goin on. i dnt ave any other family except my gran who is very old!i jst miss them! i live in a home now and its real hell i hate it!!!I miss dem!!!

Reply from: simon - 01 Sep 03

Subject: (no subject)

dnt worry ash it will get betta soon i promise u ave to let go and live da rest of ur life. i know its hard because ive been through it, dnt worry it will b ok : )

Reply from: Jen - 02 Sep 03

Subject: For Ash

Ash,
I am very sorry that you have lost your Mum and Dad. You must miss them very much, and it is normal to have many different confusing feelings. It must be hard to adapt to where you are living now, have you tried talking to someone else you are close to, perhaps a friend, or a teacher at school that you are feel you can trust. Have you thought about making a memory box with things in it to remind you of your Mum and Dad, perhaps some photos, or your Mum's favourite perfume. This might be nice to look at in the future.
Take care, i'm thinking of you,
Love Jen xx

Reply from: Alexis - 02 Sep 03

Subject: Losing mum & dad

Hi,
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I've lost my mum and dad too but at different times. I just wanted to let you know that there's a young peoples helpline for adopted people and people in foster care; they're really lovely people who seem to know just what to say to help you to feel better and get through the difficult times. They're open 6pm-9pm weekdays: 0808-808-1234.

I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

Alexis :) xxx

Reply from: ash - 03 Sep 03

Subject: losin mum and dad

thanx i will try dat!!!!!! thank u jen an alexis.i tried talkin but it made it worse, im up 4 adoption so i hope it goes ok! i still miss dem so much! i talk 2 my minister and he helps me remember the gud times!thanx i will try 2 call da help line!!! than : )

Reply from: iz - 04 Sep 03

Subject: ash

hi ash
that must have been really hard.
i lost my mum in a car crash,
r u a christian?? i found that my church an faith really helped me thru everything.
tho the crash was afew years ago now i still feel really rubbish bout things sumtimes. gud luck with adoption. i'll be thinkin of u.
luv izzy

Reply from: ash - 05 Sep 03

Subject: thanx izzy

i am a christian and hopefully sum day soon i will c dem very soon i ope!!!!! i go 2 church but it is not da same without me mum and dad. i thinkin of runnin away cause i dont want a new mum or dad i want my own ones back!i miss them and i ope i will c them VERY soon. thanks 4 da help!

luv ash xxx

Reply from: citizen x - 08 Sep 03

Subject: running away

hi ash. i dont think tht running away is the best idea. in my opinion running away would be to easy, and i'm not too sure what you are running away from. if you are not happy in your life i think you should be trying to do something constructive about it rather then trying to escape it. you and i both know that no one will ever come close to replacing your parents and of course you think about them alot it is only natural, but they are gone and there is nothing that you can do that will bring them back. i think that you should try and start to looking forward to your futhur life rather then seeing your parents in the afterlife. i also think you shouldnt see your adoptive parents as replacement but people who are trying help you. i'm sorry if this sounds unsupportive but because thats not it at all but maybe you should try and change the way you are thinking and in time your feeling may change as well. it has to be worth a try.catch you later

Reply from: - 08 Sep 03

Subject: (no subject)

dear ash
running doesn't help. i know, i've done it. my dad died in his sleep one night no one knew and it wrenches your world apart. but your parents are still with you. as you lived with them they taught you and you learnt. keep true to these values. any time i think of giving it in again i think about wjat my dad would say. i live my life in a wa i know he would be hapy with. if i meet new people i think about how my dad would feel and judge whether or not he would like them and what he would say. this way i avoid the things he wouldn't like and he lives on in me and in those who i know. it's difficult to explain but think about how how lost and lonely you feel at the mo. then think about your mum and dad and how they ould feel if you ran away...i keep my dad alive by living as he would and i can't do anything i know he wouldn't like. in some way's its like letting him down. i still feel lost even though i left everything behind because no matter how much you run, you are running away from something and that will keep you on the run as you won't find it. i speak from experience you will only feel more lost. i beg you not to run. know that no matter where you are there is this message board and people always willing to talk. take care i wil be thinking of you. love xx

Reply from: ash - 10 Sep 03

Subject: (no subject)

i ran away 4 a week den my social worker found me 1 nite in da streets. he was real upset i hated makin him upset. so ive decided to try out my adoptive parents.i will give them a try, 4 my mum, dad and 4 Brian (social Woker). Brian has helped me a bit he made da home a bit more bearable!! we had a long chat and he told me its natural to miss my parents but i will be ok and be able to live a happy life. so i will do it 4 brian because i dont want to lose him as well as my parents. MY adoptive parents r called Ben and Claire they ave 2 other children 1 aged 3 and da otha 8! their nice enough. i will be movin in wit dem soon. i avent been to c my parents graves since they died( i neva went 2 da funeral)i was to upset and i was still in hospital! Brian thinks dats y its hard 4 me to let go!!! he has planned to take me on Sunday if i can!!! i hope so . thanx 4 all ur help and i will let yous know how it is goin.
luv ASH xxxx

Reply from: Alexis - 11 Sep 03

Subject: Ash

Hi Ash,
It's great to hear that you have Brian giving you support; he sounds like a top guy! I'm really pleased to hear you've decided to see how it goes with you adopters, they only want to do what they can for you. Have you met the other kids yet? What are they like? It would be good if you felt you might be able to become friends with them.

I'll look forward to hearing from you soon when you let us know how you get on. GOOD LUCK ASH!

Luv+hugs
Alexis :)
xxxxx

Reply from: ash - 12 Sep 03

Subject: thanx

i meet da kids on Sat. their ok, Brian is a top guy and he has helped sooooooooooooo much, he is like a dad to me. im goin to try really hard 4 him cause as i said i dnt want to lose him either. i goin on sunday to c my parents graves, i ope it goes ok. brian is cumin to. skool is ok but im gettin a load of stick cause ive a social worker they think im DISTURBEd. i hate skool. but sure. it was finalized to day dat i will be movin in wit Ben and Claire on da 15th. brian promises me he will neva leave me. thanx 4 da help love ash xxxx

Reply from: jenny - 17 Sep 03

Subject: ash

hi ash,
i'm really sorry to hear about what you've been through, it's just unimaginable. You seem to be coping amazingly though. i'm glad you've got a social worker, and it sounds like you get on really well with him, he must be a special person.
i just read that you're moving in with ben and claire today i just wanted to wish you good luck and i hope you're ok right now.

you have many peoples' thoughts with you, especially mine,
take care and lots of luck,
jenny

Reply from: Edward Bowkett - 22 Sep 03

Subject: Dont worry be happy

Hi alex
just to say that i am now in your situation as i was put in a home when i was 6 and have now just lost my mum and dad due to cancer but the main important thing is to remain being hopeful if you dont feel hopeful and you feel like giving up then just think of the happy moments with your parents and trust me crying is a good thing as i have found out. Som your social worker is your main pillar you have got to talk to him beacause thats what there there for if you dont talk to him then he wont know what your upset about or wont know whats best for you. Also if you dont let out your emotions later on you will be happy for it because the anger builds up then when its full you then want to hurt someone like Brian whos alot better then my social worker by the sounds of it. One last thing try out every oppurtunity like foster parents or adopted parenta because you never know they may take you away from the home which is probably not very nice or maybe it is i dont know in my case it wasnt very nice and i took the first oppurtunit there was and if you dont like it then talk to Brian.
From the person thats been there
edd

Reply from: ash - 23 Sep 03

Subject: things r OK

hi every1, im ok. thins r gettin better (slowly), ive been livin wit my adoptive parents 4 sum time now and its ok. Brian still cums and sees me and helps me out. i still find it real hard to let go and talk to sum1. im really scared of gettin close to any1 incase sumthin happens and i cant b wit dem. yous will b glad to know i visit my parents grave every week now and its hard but ive got loads of help. i sumtimes wounder y God made my life so bad dat at 1 stage i jst didnt want to live anymore, i still dont noo why but im sure dere is a reason.


thanx 4 all ur support
lots of luv
ash : )

Reply from: alisha
Subject : sorrow
I lost alot of pain and I never really begin to ajourn.
Reply from: Kourtney
Subject: Your Mum & Dad
Ash- im so sorry to her about you parents thats terrible whats happened. it made a tear run down my face. The best thing 4 you to do is keep strong. and keep smiling. they will be looking down on you & will be very proud of you. Take Care.xxx

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