| Subject: My 20 yr old sister committed suicide
Hi, my name is Terry and I'm 18 years old. My 20 yr old sister, Katie, died on Sunday, the 22nd after going into coma due to attempting suicide.
On October 17th, She hung herself at her dorm room. She had been without oxygen for about 1-2 hours and her brain was in a terrible shape. (anexic brain damage or something)
It was painful watching her in coma. Her once beautiful face was gone. I saw from the 1st day that she had no hope of coming back to normal and the doctors made sure that we didn't get any hope.That first night, I said goodbye to Katie. After crying for many hours straight, I held her hands and said to her, in my head, "Katie, bye"
Until the afternoon of 22nd, my mom wasn't ready. But then, she made the decision to cut off Katie's life support. . We drew out the tubes at 3 PM and Katie stopped breathing at 8:30 PM. I remember the heart monitor flatlining, and just watching out the hospital window at that moment, just staring at the city lights, thinking to myself "wow my sister really doesn't exist anymore"
At the funeral, I wrote and read out an eulogy for Katie. I said that though we will miss her forever, she will always be us, laughing whenever we laugh and hold us in her arms whenever we cry.
And now I'm home. Today is 2 weeks since Katie hung herself. I went to school for the past two days.
My mom and I threw out a lot of Katie's stuffs. I kept a charm necklace that she made and am wearing that everyday.
I don't cry that much anymore. I cried the hardest the day after she hung herself. Now, I just cry when I hear some mp3 recordings of katie's beautiful singing.
Now it's just me and my mom because my mom is divorced. I worry greatly about my mother. She is better now but she does go into hysteric crying modes at times. I hug her and try to calm her down. But watching her like that hurts me a lot.
I feel fortunate that there are a lot of family friends who are helping us through this rough time.
And Katie's death i think gave me a purpose in my life as well. I promised myself that I will never let myself or other precious people around me get as depressed as my sister. And when I become a successful businessman and earn a lot of money, I will devote to saving depressed people from kiling themselves.
I can't sleep well lately. Secretly, I'm scared of ghosts. I feel like Katie is right next to me sometimes. I feel chills when going into a dark room. I am constantly wanting to turn up the lights. I am constantly startled by small things and noises. But maybe, I should just accept that Katie is watching me and protecting me. |
