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message no. 127

Message from: mich - 12 Aug 03

Subject: my bro

My brother died 8 months ago from an overdose and since then I have tried to kill myself several times, I just want to die so I can see him again

Reply from: Jenni - 14 Aug 03

Subject: for mich

my boyfr died in a carcrash 8 months ago and all i want to do is see him again. my doctor put me an sleepin tablets cos i couldnt sleep at all and its been so hard not to take an overdose. the thing thats stopped me is knowing what its like to lose some1. i wouldnt want to deliberately put any1 thro the pain and grief that i went thro. i love him so much but i know that he doesnt want to c me yet.
have u tried counsellin? im not religious but ive been talkin 2 a vicar and thats really helped.
take care of yrself.
if u wanna leave a mess ill reply, talkin 2 other people helps alot.
love jen x

Reply from: C - 14 Aug 03

Subject: my boyfriend

my boyfriend was killed in a car crash 3 weeks ago, i am so hurt and lonely. the worst thing is i pretend everything is ok, when actually i just want to die and be with him. because i act ok, my friends stop asking me whether i am ok and just act like everything is normal and its all in the past. yesterday i saw the boy that was driving the car my boyfriend was in, he druged up when he thought it was ok to dirve my boyfriend about, he just walked past me and acted like i wasnt there. he was laughing and joking with his friends and it all seems do unfair. i just want to see my boy again. i would do ne thing.

Reply from: Jenni - 18 Aug 03

Subject: for C

My boyfriend died just before christmas last year. After he died i went to pieces, i saw him everywhere and i wanted to die too. My friends were great at first but after a while they stopped asking and just acted like nothing had happened because i pretended i was ok. i wasnt ok. this went on for a while and then i broke down at school, i cried and cried, my friends were brilliant. they explained that they hadnt said anything to me or asked if i was ok because they didnt want to upset me and they didnt know what to say. its probably the same with yours. i was only 17 when it happened and lots of my friends hadnt come across a death that sad and early before (he was 20) so they didnt know how to act or what to say.
I guess what im trying to say is that your friends will want to help you but just dont know how to do it.
rich was my whole world and everything i ever wanted. but since then ive done my alevels, and been accepted into university. life does go on, but i know that hes always with me and ill always love him, hes proud of me.
he'll always be there when you need him the most, and he'll be lookin after you.
take care, if you want to write back and tell me how your doin u can. id love to hear from u. if i can help in any way i will. i know how your feelin cos it happened to me.
lots and lots of love
jen x

Reply from: Judith - 18Aug 03

Subject: i understand how u feel.

im so sorry 2 hear about ur loss.I really understand how u feel, 2 months ago my boyfriend and my fiend wer in an car accident and they died.I act like its ok aswell and my friends r the same they think that im ok wen i want to die and be with him. I not coping very well and i have no 1 2 tlk to as i feel they wont understand. I hope that u feel a bit better and only time will help us move on but all u can do is wait. the driver survived in the accident aswell but he has taken it very badly unlike the driver u know. all i can say 2 u is i promise that it will get easier i promise all the best.

Reply from: Judith - 18 Aug 03

Subject: mayb i can help?

i recently lost my boyfriend in a car crash 2.on the 20th of june mayb we cud help eachother as im in the same position as u, my frinds dnt understand as they have never lost ne body like i have and i just pretend im ok aswell. plz reply to this msg as i wud love to tlk to sum 1 whos going through wat i am, im 18 yrs old , take care of urself and i promise in time it will get easier love judith xox

Reply from: amanda - 29 Aug 03

Subject: death sucks

it is amazing to see how many people are going through the same thing i am. my boyfriend died four weeks ago today. my last conversation with him was basically "i can't imagine my life without you, oh look at those kids, ours will be cuter." i feel like my world has fallen apart around me. i have quickly learned who my true friends are, and even those people can't help me. nights suck, mornings are worse. that is when i realize that no this is not a dream. part of me wishes i could just get over this pain and another part of me feels like i should feel this way forever. people tell me life goes on, you'll love again, blah blah blah. but that doesn't help at all. one of the worst things is when people ask me what is wrong. duh! what do you think is wrong? there are a couple things that has made life a little more bearable since the accident - one thing is the song "i believe" by diamond rio. the second is a book called "how to survive the loss of a love." read it even if its not your love that you have lost. it talks a lot about the stages of grief and how to take care of yourself. please don't consider suicide as an option. it is one thing to want to be with the person that is gone, but you have to remember that those around you would be feeling all the pain, and maybe even more, than you are now.

here are the lyrics to that song:
Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And itís like you havenít been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart Iím sure weíre closer than we ever were
I donít have to hear or see, Iíve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

That when you die your life goes on
It doesnít end here when youíre gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if Iím right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe

Forever, youíre a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And Iíll hold you even longer if I can
The people who donít see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
ĎCause I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

you are not going to find many people that have gone through a similar loss right now, but they are out there. if anyone sees this message and needs to email back and forth post a response to this. some people say it's going to get easier, but i haven't felt that yet. any emotion i've experienced, except the good ones, have been so much more intense. death is something no one can understand. all the confusion you all feel right now is normal (at least i hope it is).

if you are going through this please take good care of yourself.

Reply from: C - 01 Sep 03

Subject: thanks

thank you all for ur replies it is nice to know there are people out there who understand the grief. adam my boyfriend was killed nearly two months ago now, it was 21st july. the police have still done nothing about the boy who was driving. i see him around and he is usually off his face laughing and joking wit his mates. i have to ask how is this fair? how is it that a 15 year old who was so full of life and ambitions is dead, when they druggie who killed him is still walking around causing trouble? i just dont understand. all of your replys has been a lot of help to me, so i would like to thank u again. sorry i have not written back sooner but i went away to spain for 2 weeks just to get away. write back if u need to talk. Cx

Reply from: anon - 05 Sep 03

Subject: ur doin well

heya c,
i hope u had a gud time in spain well as much as u cud- u deserve it! i know its not fair that they r not not doin neting. id say that the driver feels terrible and his actions r just in front of his friends and he feels terrible as i cnt understand why he wudnt.
i hope ur doing ok take care xox

Reply from: C - 12 Sep 03

Subject: to anon

thank u, i am doing a bit better, just started back at sixth form which i didnt think i would be!! so thats an achievment. i will aways miss him and he will always be in my heart but i have reliased that i have to live me life and my dreams and 1 day we may be together again. my friend who died a few months b4 him in a car crash, aswell, will look after him till then. good luck everyone. Cx

Reply from: chrissie - 06 Oct 03

Subject: i lost my brother too

HI. I just wanted to let you know dat your feelings are normal. My 6 year old brother was killed in a freak accident last month. I wana kill myself to see him again bt i cant bear the thought of leaving my 2 little sisters behind. Your mum and dad have already lost 1 son. You'll see him again soon 1 day, just like i'll see my brother, but just wait until it's your time. Stay strong. Luv chrissie. x

Reply from: james - 06 Oct 03

Subject: my best friends deaths

hi girls, i have read all of the posts in this topic and am really sorry for what has happened to you. the reason im posting on this topic is because i have recently been in a car accident, 11th july 2003 and i was the driver. Unfortunately my two best, and i mean best mates were with me in car with me and they both died. i searched for this type of tradegy on as i have been feeling so bad ever since the accident and thought that i would search for similar topics. im only 17 and am waiting to go to jail for what i have done, my friends were 17 an 14 and i thought the world of them both. these days i dont want to talk to any1, i just want to be by myself to think about the boys and just to hope that they are at rest. i understand how hard it must be for you to see the driver that was in the accident out and about after what has happened, but im sure that he will be punished with a prison sentence. anyway i have realised that life does go on after you have lost sumone close to you, you just have to realise that as time goes by. by the way councelling has helped me a lot, good luck

Reply from: chrissie - 08 Oct 03

Subject: nobody's guilty (james)

hi james. i read ur message and just want u 2 know that i don't feel any anger for the 2 men involved in my little brothers accident. i actually knew the men and i know that they would have never have wanted my little brother to die, just as i expect that u didn't want ur friends 2 die. hopefuly ur friends relatives can see things the way i do. I believe that there's no point in being angry with people because it won't bring ur loved ine back. im really sorry that ur avin 2 go 2 prison. im sure ur friends would never have wanted that. good luck. luv chrissie x

Reply from: Jemma - 28 Nov 03

Subject: ......

I have read all the messages n this section and I'm really sorry to hear about all of your losses. I have been looking for someone who has had the same kind of loss as me since I started using this site. My boyfriend and 2 good friends died in a car accident a month ago. I feel lost without Lee, he was my world. This might sound stupid but I'm glad they all died together because if any one of them survived I don't think they could have went on without the others. My boyfriend was the driver and I was worried that people would hold him responsible for the crash but no-one has, thankfully. He was only 18!!! The 2 other passengers were Lee's best friend, who was 20 and his girlfriend who had just turned 16! People think I'm ok now because I try to hide my emotions but really I'm hurting inside and I want to die to be with them! Please help!!!

Reply from: Becky - 10 Feb 04

Subject: my boyfriend died 2

hiya im really sorry to hear about ur loss. My boyf died a month ago we dnt know how he died.He was askin me to marry him in april. I really miss him my friends have been great. im always putting on a act to be happy so everyone thimks im ok but im not it really hurts i always said to him i wouldnt be able to live without him he meant so much to me. I just want to be with him i miss everything about him his touch his smell and most of all his sense of hummor. i love him so much i cant belive his gone. I would love hear from people who are goin through pls get in touch

Reply from: sam - 31 Mar 04

Subject: My boyfriend was killed in a car accident

It's been nearly 17 weeks since my boyfriend was killed in a car accident. I miss him so much, i came to this site because i need to talk to someone who understands. I cant accept he is gone. he was 20 when the accident happened in december. It was his 21st birthday last week which was hard. Isent a hellium balloon with a letter attached to him. I would do anything to see him and tell him how much i loved him, still love him and always will. I don't see the point of living without him. Our home is full of so many memories, but i find it so hard to be there. I go to the place of his accident so many times to try and understand how it happened, but i cant work it out. He is burried in the village we lived in, si i go to talk with him most days. I just wish i could turn back the clock. I hope that he will wait for me. I just wish i knew where he was now and what happens when you pass away. I just have so much running throughts my mind i feel like im going mad! And im sure my friends think i am with all the things i say. My thoughts are with all of you that are in the same situation. xxxxxxxxxxx

Reply from:Megan 17 Apr 04

Subject:To Sam

Dear Sam:
My Boyfriend was killed in a car accident 9 months ago. No one can completely understand the pain you are feeling, but I somewhat understand how hard it is for you. Each day I feel as though a little piece of me is breaking away. I just think that as long as you remain strong and remember the love you two had for each other, it might get easier.

Reply from:Hannah 17 Apr 04

Subject:(no subject)

i think that you are all very strong people. My boyfriend was in an accident and the doctors said that he was going to die. I wasnt going out with him at this stage but i had been just before the accident so i was really upset. He asked me out when he finally got out of hospital 3 months later and needless to say i said yes. I can't fully understand your pain but i know how much suffering you must be going threw. I am extremely lucky that i can still see him although theres a lot of hard work involved. I am so sorry for your losses, i can only imagine how hard it must be for you, you must be a very strong person.

Reply from:sara 29 Apr 04

Subject:i lost my brother 2

i understand how u feel cos my brother died in a horrible car crash. i went thru so much and still find it hard to cope. u need 2 understand that u have to b strong 4 people around u. plz dont try and kill yourself, your parents have lost a son, they need u, even if they dont show it as much. u will be with him soon, just wait, he will be lookin down on you-he still loves you-more than eva! be strong
sara xx

Reply from:Kim

Subject:suicide sucks

hi ihave never done anything like this befor, on the 9th of april my boyfriend commited suicide. he went missin for 5 days and when he was found he was dead. i told the police that he would do something like that and they didnt belive me. he hung himself with his jacket. it really hurts everyday but i cant do anything to help anyone who knew him i dont seem to know what to do. i have self harmed in the past and i wouldnt be here right now if it wasnt for then, i harmed myself every way possible and now i cant bear to do anything. i thought about going the way he did. its not as though there would be anyone to hurt because i have no family. and no friends that understand. he was my world my soulmate my best friend.

Reply from: Megan


Kim, I cannot imagine what you are going through, my boyfriends death was (and still is) the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. But you just seem so strong and to think that your would try to harm yourself seems so unethical. You said you often feel like there's no reason not to commit suicude, but there are people who care about you. you just might not realize it. If you ever want to talk more about what you're going through, I'll be sure to check the message board as often as I can. Continue to be strong and God Bless!

Reply from:Hayley

Subject:I lost my boyfriend too

to everyone who has been through what i have. im 18 and i lost my boyfriend jordan just before christmas last year,he was only 21. i have just read all of your messages and its nice to know there are people who understand. jordan went away to scotland with his work and never came back. we still dont no what happened,just that there were 2 vehicles involved in the accident. its the hardest thing iv been through and there are no words to describe the way i feel about losing him. i miss him so much,and im trying my best to move on but somedays i just dont even feel like getting up. i would really appreciate a reply from any1 who knows how i feel x x x

Reply from:Kiara

Subject: sorry to hear about it

I'm so sorry to hear about that. U shoudn't try to comite suicide. if u had died would your brother want u to die?

Reply from:nicole

Subject: sorry to hear that

im so sorry to hear about the death of your brother u shouldnt try 2 kill your self ive tried and my mum was very sad that i wanted 2 die because my uncle died and im so upset would your brother want u to die just trust me i kmow from nicole

Reply from:Eri - 20

Subject:Lost my BF 16 June '04

I lost my bf in a horrible car crash 16 June '04...It's been 13months and 3 days now...and still I feel like I can't cope I don't have anyone left to talk too, everyone expects you to get over it after a few months but I CAN'T...I miss him so much it still hurts like hell!!! This is so unfare!!!! Anyone who feels the same????

Reply from: Krisa
Subject : So sorry
i've lost people i love in my life.. and im still quite young, you ladies are very very strong for opening up and telling people your stories, i know if i ever lost my boyfriend who is the absolute love of my life i would literally fall to pieces, im a very sensitive person and can never cope with losing someone i love and care for, i always ask myself why the closest ones we love get stolen away from our lives and we wait so long to see them again and i wish i got an answer but unfortunately i haven't. all i know is that they're looking down on you, they're protecting you and that little voice in the back of your head telling you its okay to do something or its not okay... its them, they are there and as much as it hurts you just cant see or touch them anymore, but they love you. stay strong beautiful ladies, its hard now but just keep their love with you and keep them in your hearts and stay safe. xxxxx

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