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Message from: pin, 10 Oct 06

Subject: my mum died of cancer

im 17, but i was 16 when my mum died of cancer less than 2 months ago, and im finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact that shes not coming back. i keep expecting to see her when i come home from school, and i miss just having a hug and a chat. we were so close. i have times where i have to not think about it to get my work done, but then i have times where i just cry for hours. does it get any easier? if anyone else lost anyone they know to cancer and want to talk, message me. thanks and stay strong xxx

Subject: (no subject)

i feel the same too x

Subject: my mum died of cancer

hi,  my heart goes out to you at the loss of your mum, my mum passed away 20th sept with ovarian cancer, i know exactly how your feeling, it is awful pain isnt it? the  realization that there not coming back is frightening.  i am here if you want to talk. take care i wish you some peace, love kaz xxx

Subject: mum

hey, im so sorry about your mum. I know what your going through and i just had to reply. I know that your probs thinking i dont know cos i dont know how you two were together...thats a fair point i guess i used to think that too.
my mum also died of cancer and iv never felt so depressed. the last time i saw her she had no hair, couldnt speak and was barely alive. We were also so close she was my best friend. I used to think that if i killed myself i would e with her agin and nothing else mattered but that was just ridiculous after i thaught about my other 13 brothers and sisters.
IT DOES GET EASIER. it took me 5 years, well i used to track it by seeing if i could go through a day with out thinking of her. Eventually it became easier. I stoped breaking down in embarasing situations, i found it easier to sleep and was much easier to deal with talking about her to strangers. I just find it awkward know, 5 years on, when my friends say, "ask your mum!" or "whats your mums name?". If they ask me where she lives now i just say "hopefuly in heaven!!!" wheras before i would have broken down crying.
Keep your memories, talk to her outloud which sounds silly but is so useful!! , and try to look at the light at the end.
Everybody looses somebody they love eventually, and im not religious but my sister told me something whcih really helped.
"This life is a test for god. God took your mum early because she had proved her goodness to him, so she could go to heaven."
Sounds stupid but if you think about it its quite true, i mean babies that die are only full of good and they still get taken.
I hope you find what ive sed helpful. I have to much more i could tell you, but i dont want you to get bored of my essay!!
message me anytime! take care...xXxXXxXxXX