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Message from: Jen, 28 Aug 06

Subject: My Mum x

This is the first time i have been on a site like this i was watching hollyoaks recently and there has been a story about a mum dieing and it just brought up alot of feelings i had tryed 2 keep hidden my mum died unexpectedly on the 19th april 2002 2 dyas b4 my 19th birthday im now 21 she had been ill for a long time but the docters said it was migraine's and then she collapsed and was took in2 hospital where they then found out it was a brain tumour called an annurism she was in hospital 4 3months whilst partyed in a free house i dont know if it was the shock or if i trully believed she would be ok.
So she had the op and was fine was out 2 weeks then she had a stroke and my little sister who was 14 @ the time found her so i went 2 hospital with her and the docters said there was nothing that i could do 4 her so i should go home and stpudily i went then i woke up bout 7 in the morn and just knew i had 2 go back and then bout 10mins later the docter phoned and told us 2 go back as she was getting worse fast and then she died couple hours later. My mum was the world 2 me but i feel guilty that i didnt spend enough time with her i was always out partying i wish i had spent more time with her and told her more often how amazing and wonderful i thought she was. She brought me and my sister up single handly I would do anything 2 have 5 more minutes with her but i know that i cant.
4 years has passed i just went wild when she died drinking and other things because they blocked eveything out i hadnt lived with my dad since i was 10 but because me and my sister where both minors we had 2 go live with him.
That didnt work out and i ended up homless with no job and wasting away on drink.But now i have a little flat and a good job and i would hope my mum was proud of me.
I dont think it hurts anyless as time goes on in fact it has gotten worse but thats why i have visted this website because i think its time i delt with my grief and that is a big step but also a good one 2 help me.I have changed dramtically since i have these walls up where i dont let anyone in so i dont get hurt but by coming on here its the first step 2 changeing that.

Subject: (no subject)

hi
my mum died of cancer when they said she'd get better. if it doesnt get better with time then how does it get better? it hasnt got better for me either . i watched a film and in it a girls mum died. i wasnt sure what to do.im sure youre mum is very proud, and im proud too. im proud that people really can carry on .
eliza

Subject: i lost my mum to cancer too

Your not alown i lost my mum to cancer too. It was in april this year. I'm still greaving and i will always and im sure everyone will but your not alown were all in the same boat. everyones here for you hun.

Subject: I can understand

My mum died too, but I was younger than you. I feel that you're right, it doesnt get better at all. I'm sure she is proud of you. I hope you get along alright. Lots of love to you.