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Message from: jen, 25 Mar 06

Subject: its too much

i seem to have spend half of my life grieving. at the age of 12 i lost my dad since then i have also lost 2 friends and my nephew died in january and i just can't cope with it all. im seeing a counsellor and she says iv never let myself grieve so now im doin something about it im grievin for them all at once. When i talk to my friends about it i feel like im being self involved and borin them so i don't anymore, the only person i can talk to is my bf but he is so busy with uni at the moment i barely see him so im trying to cope on my own.
Every time someone dies it brings it all back about my dad.
sorry for the rant just feelin hopeless.
jen x

Subject:none

i understand how it feels when talking to people, when i lost my friend no one at my school cared or tried to help me. all i wanted was a shoulder to cry on but no1 ever lent me one; instead of grieveing when i wanted/needed to i was embarrassed because it sounded so boring. i found out later that some of my best mates said that i talk too much about sam whilst i was on an exchange visit 6 months after losing him. since then i havent been able to confide in anybody as well as i should have and in trying to help someone else in need i lost all my self respect and ended up in self harming. i hate it so much and i admit that i am extremely bitter towards my 'friends' for not supporting me when i needed them most. either way, its not their fault that i resorted to sensless means of escape and i advise anybody considering this approach out of it, it doesnt help and just makes you hate yourself even more.

Subject:heres my story.. wanna help!

i completly understand. i didnt lose a dad, i lost a close close freind..prety much my sister. she was 1 day away from being 18. 6 months later i lost another friend, brandon. onn top of the casket was a picture of him and lindsay..they were friends to! 2 years past and things seemed to be geting better after the aniversay. then 2 days after that, another realy good friend died. Pj was brandons best freind, how coudl God take him too! this is a realy hard time for al of us in this small town. after only 2 months on april 8th (yesrday) another friend died. is this town cursed? we cant take it anymore.. its all the tiem, its the same ppl feeling hurt . EVERY SINGLE DAY i miss them.... 3 rip LINDSAY brandon PJ jeremy