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message no. 1036

Message from: Lauren, 25 Mar 06

Subject: Lost

I have lost my best friend in january of 2004. He was murdered, by three people, who had knives. Everyone will hopefully read this, so i'll stop the detail there. All i know is i was 12 years old, and had lost the best thing in the world. A person. Murdered. My world caved in, i just felt lonely. Lost. He was, always will be, my best, and only friend. I will never forget that smile. I love you Lennie.
I have, more recently, been shattered by the loss of my baby sister, Scarlet. She was born, dead, 5 days before christmas last year. She was perfectly healthy, until she contracted this extremely rare disease/conditon, and died. I nearly lost my mum that day, she haemoraged, and bled, almost to death. Shook me up, ruined my christmas. We buried her, not by choice, it's the date we were given, on valentines day, this year. I will never, ever, forget my Scarlet angel, i was so looking forward to this baby, and shes gone, in the cruelest way possible, before she had lived. The doctor said it's so rare, in 35 years of being a doctor, and seeing OVER 350,000 pregnant women, my mum was the SECOND person to have it, and the other lady died. I feel blessed we have our mum back. I would not have coped with her gone. My heart feels heavy with pain. And the only way i can think to get out, is death. I need help. Please. Help me.

-Lauren. 15

Reply from: dizzy

Subject: Hi dizzy

my mummy

Reply from: Tracey

Subject: Hi Lauren, I understand!!

Hiya Lauren, I hope this message finds you well. I just read your message and I wanted to reply to you. You posted your message a little while ago now and i'm hoping that your answer to escaping pain wasn't through death. My sister died too i was 12 when she died and all i know at the time that it was the saddest and most painful experience I have ever had. sadly though since then i have lost my mummy daddy and my brother and my nanny is only days if not hours away from going to. i've suffered alot of pain losing my loved ones but just talk to people (i even talk to myself) it honestly does get easier.
please don't ever consider harming yourself or trying to end it all, can you honestly imagine how your family would feel. I often think i'd be better of dead and ask who would miss me and although my rest of my family don't show there emotions like i do i know it would devestate them all.

i hope your well and life is working out well in awonderful new direction for you. x Tracey x

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