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message no. 1031

Message from: Nasha, 17 Mar 06

Subject: Friendship not the same....since death of nan

People tell me you'll get over it in time.
My Nan died christmas 2005, she was my second mom, she raised me with my mom when my dad left us when i was younger.
During that week, since it was 5 days before christmas, it wa hetick, she died on the 20th, she came home(her last wish) on the 22nd and we buried her on the 23rd, then it was christmas eve and christmas day. It all happened within that first week, i came home to from my first year at univeristy.
She was the first person who im close to who have died.
Going back to univeristy was awful! my family wasnt there, but my friends were. But back at home my family was there and my friends werent.
But going backto lectures was hard, so much things needed off you. But then i turned into someone who needed comfort from her friends, who needed to talk about things, and when it didnt feel like i was in controle, i turned to somethig i could control....self harm....But this made my friends worry and be so scared that they went for help for me...even at this moment, im getting help, but what i need is help from my friends, i need thier comfort, thier friendship, not someone who says 'have you told ur counciler this?' before i start to say anything...
How can i tell them this without hurting them, or without getting them into a panic about issues??

Reply from: (anon)

Subject:(no subject)

I'm at uni too and i know that if i needed help i could turn to my tutors, they are very good with all sorts of problems. try to tell your friends that you need their support just as friends and that the councellor is there only for the stuff you can't talk to them about. try explaining that just good old fashioned friendship is what you need now, for them to be there for you unconditionally and without prejudice tell them that your happy to discuss worrying issues with the counc and that as friends you need them for a different purpose. if their true friends they will understand Good luck

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