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Message from: JENNY, 06 Mar 06

Subject: IM SCARED AND I MISS YOU DAD

My dad died 4 years ago due to cancer, when my mum told me he was diagnosed i didnt take it, i thought he would be fine, but eventually he got thinner and eventually skeltal so it was a shock when the phone rang one night and i heard my mum walking into my room, he was dead and i couldnt do anything about it.
I didnt take it in and i went to school the next day, this happened in year 6 and im now year 10, a few people have talked to me about it but not properly and if someone dies whoes close to you , they say in time it gets easier, but it doesnt.
I dont think about my dad all the time, but things remind me of him and it hurts so much, i have mood swings when im alone, i get angry, then upset and eventually cry my eyes out all evening, its scary. No one knows about this, i want to tel my boyfriend, we are very close but i dont want to seem like an attention seeker and everything everyone says is ' aww dontworry it will be okay'
when really they have no idea.
All i want is to talk to him one last time, hug him one last time.
I was his princess and thats never going to change.
Reply to my message if you want to talk xx

Subject:Hey

Hey Jenny. How old are you? My dad died two and half years ago. It was really sudden - I was too shocked at the time to really feel anything, but now I feel really down. I'd love to talk. H x

Subject:Reply to holly x

Hey thanks for your reply, Im 15 now, im not always down when im with people its just when im alone i get upset but i guess things could be worse. How did your dad die if you dont mind me asking? how old are you? wb jenny xx

Subject:my dad

im so so sorry about your dad my dad got killed in the I.O.M. TT i was heart broken he died when i was 10 when my mum told me i could of smashed my head i know its not the way to deal with it i was luky i didnt ha if you ever feel upset an u cant talk 2 anyone u can always conntact me luv yasmin

Subject:hi bk

Hey, he just went to bed one day and I got up and my mum told me he'd died. Maybe it was better than having a long illness, but it was still awful. I get so angry with people when they complain about their dads - it makes me mad that they can't see how lucky they are. I'm 15 too. Have you talked to your friends about it? My friends don't seem to understand, and it's never the right moment to talk about it. Holly x

Subject:Hello again

Thanks for your reply it really helps reading them, sorry to hear about your dad too, i dont think about mine all the time but when im down, i always end up thinking about him and getting upset, i cant speak to my friends because none of them dont really know what to say, only really stuff like' it wil be okay dnt worry' i could if i wanted to talk to them but i fink people would look at me as an attention seeker as it has been a few years now, when it first happened it didnt hit me , but now as years have gone on it has. My brother says he doesnt miss my dad because he wasnt really a father figure but to me he was, when he used to take me out swimming and wed watch this t.v programme together. Anyways please write back xx

Subject:(no subject)

it's really great to be able to talk to someone at last. Its strange going on holiday without my dad because that was the time that he was there most. I dnt want people to feel sorry for me, and I just feel awkward if they talk about it. xxx

Subject: xx

Yeah i agree it has been really good to talk to someone at last. Sorryi havent replied for a while, ive been away on holiday which was good, it took my mind off things . When did your dad die? the anniversary for my dads death is coming up , 4 or 5 years now its been and i am coping, no one even knows that i hurt but i see what yu mean it is awkward talking to people because no one ca possibly understand what weve been through but if your feeling really upset im always here xx

Subject: Just me again

Hey you havent written for a while so i hope all is well. Today i just found out my grandads kidneys are failing and hes dying, and hasnt got long left, so thats another thing to cope with, now theres only me and my mum and my brother in my family and me and my brother arent even close, i dont know what to do anymore. wirte back jenny x